Short answer: Text him if you feel calm, you have something real or fun to say, and your last message didn't go unanswered. Wait if you just texted, he hasn't replied yet, or you're emotional right now. Don't text if he's an ex who hurt you and you mostly want a reaction. Our 10-question quiz checks all of this and gives you a go-for-it score: yes, wait or no.
How the quiz works
You answer 10 quick questions: who texted last, if he replied last time, how long ago you texted, why you want to text, if he's an ex who hurt you, and how you feel right now. Your answers become a go-for-it score from 0 to 100%. A higher score means yes, text him.
| Score | Result |
|---|---|
| 70 to 100% | Yes, text him |
| 40 to 69% | Wait a little |
| 0 to 39% | Do not text him (yet) |
When texting him is a good idea
- He sent the last message, or you had a normal back and forth.
- He replied the last time you texted, and it felt warm.
- You have something to say: a plan, a joke, a question or a "this made me think of you".
- You're calm, and you'd be fine if he takes a while to answer.
When to wait
- You texted a few hours ago and he hasn't answered yet.
- You're upset, tired, or it's 2 a.m. and you've had a drink.
- You want to text to "test" if he still cares.
- You're writing a long paragraph about your feelings right after a fight.
Waiting isn't playing games. It's giving yourself time to send the text you actually want to send. A good trick: write it in your notes app and read it again tomorrow. If you still like it, send it.
Why you want to text matters most
In real life, the reason behind a text often matters more than the timing. A text that comes from fun or curiosity, like "this made me think of you", is easy to send and easy to answer. A text that comes from worry, like "does he still care?", puts a big job on a small message. Then any reply, fast or slow, can feel like proof of your fear.
If your text is really a test, the quiz will tell you to wait. Waiting a day isn't a rule against texting him. It just protects your peace.
Should I text him first?
Yes, texting first is fine, and it's not "chasing". What matters is balance. If you always text first and he never does, that pattern is worth a look. Our guide on who texts first explains what it means, and our post on double texting covers when a second message is okay.
Should I text my ex?
Be extra honest with yourself here. Texting an ex can be fine when you ended well and you have a real reason, like returning something or saying congratulations. It usually hurts when he hurt you, when you hope he'll say he misses you, or when you're lonely at night. If you keep wondering how he feels, take the does he miss me quiz first and see what the signs say.
What to text him (and what not to)
Good texts are light and easy to answer:
- "Saw this and thought of you 😂" (with a meme or photo)
- "I need your opinion on something very important: pizza or tacos tonight?"
- "Hey, how did your interview go?"
- "Free on Saturday? There's a market I want to try."
Texts to skip:
- "Hello??" or "Why are you ignoring me?"
- Long paragraphs at 3 a.m.
- "I guess you're busy 🙂"
If he left you on read, our guide to being left on read helps you decide what to do next.
What your chat says before you hit send
Your chat already has clues. The Cringe shows who texts first, how fast he replies on average compared to you, and how many messages each of you sends. The AI report adds an interest level for each person. If you always start and he always replies late, that's worth knowing before you send the next one.
FAQ
Should I text him or wait for him to text me?
If he texted last or you had a normal chat, text him. If you texted last and he didn't reply, wait and give him space to answer.
Should I text him first?
Yes, texting first is normal. Just notice if you're always the one starting. A good connection goes both ways.
How long should I wait before texting him again?
If he hasn't replied, wait at least a day or two before a second message, and keep it light. If he still doesn't answer, that's an answer too.
Should I text my ex?
Only if you're calm, you ended on good terms and you have a real reason. If he hurt you or you're hoping for a reaction, it's usually better not to.
Is it bad to double text?
No, not if it's once and light. Sending many messages in a row to someone who isn't replying usually makes you feel worse afterward.